Doubting God Is....?

Where is God? We have all asked that question in one way or another. Typically it is asked when something tragic occurs that takes the lives of a youngster or someone who is perceived as doing good with their lives. All of us wonder, all of us. We all have dark times. Some last longer than others.

I have had to chuckle a little as I listened to the media make a really big deal over the release of portions of Mother Theresa's letters to her confessor. I admit that I had some immediate reactions as an evangelical Christian, but thought I might explore and think on this for awhile. First, let me say that her expressions of emptiness and not feeling the presence of God at times is common with believers. Sometimes it comes from sin that is not confessed to God, sometimes from a tragedy around us, and sometimes when we are seeking for more of God's presence in our lives.

I admit that my first reaction was that Mother Theresa had not had a personal experience with Jesus. In other words, having seen her sin as sin, that it separates us from God's love, and ask God for the forgiveness he offers (for free). There is no doubt that Mother Theresa did plenty of "good works" in her life on earth, but the Bible teaches that is not enough. It is admirable, but falls very short in God's eyes for we are not perfect. But I don't know (no one does but her) if that was the reason for her emptiness, but her struggle was not unique.

Another thought came to mind later. Mother Theresa was so well thought of as a spiritual giant because of the work she accomplished, and was not without her critics. She asked that her letters be destroyed, but instead they are going to be published. I think she knew what would happen if her days of doubt were ever exposed and truly that has come to pass. If a giant such as she would doubt, then there must be no God. NPR reported an article of Time Magazine that quoted known atheist Christopher Hitchens. He said, "She was no more exempt from the realization that religion is a human fabrication than any other person, and that her attempted cure was more and more professions of faith could only have deepened the pit that she had dug for herself." He is unfortunately dead wrong and unaware of true spirituality. A feeling of emptiness is not unique to those who don't have any faith at all. Our faith is not superficial and does not ebb and flow with our emotions. Many, if not all, the apostles struggled with those same feelings and they spent three years in the presence of God (Jesus). Jesus himself had those same feelings on the cross, as God had to turn away in order for the his plan to proceed.

If I were to poll all the believers I know, without question 100% would tell me they had experienced doubt of God's existence in their lives. The reasons would vary but all would attest to it. They would also tell me that after working through those times of doubt and frustration, they felt God's presence more than ever before. Most times the feelings of doubt are temporary and short lived, but sometimes it can go for a long while depending on circumstances.

Maybe after all of her letters are published, we will see a Mother Theresa that struggled but also prevailed in her faith.